Why Don't We Talk About Money?
Breaking the taboo around money.
Today marks one year since I published the first post of All About Money.
I started this newsletter as a sort of outlet to talk about money. About three years ago, I started learning how to invest. I began listening to podcasts, like Stacking Benjamins and How to Money, immersed myself in personal finance articles, and took the initial steps of opening an investment account. First I opened a Roth IRA through Betterment and then an HSA through my job.
As I got hands-on experience, I quickly became more comfortable with DIY investing. My goals became increasingly oriented toward putting as much money as possible into investments and growing my wealth for the future.
This was an exciting period and financial education consumed a great deal of my time. I couldn’t believe that I had only just learned what a Roth IRA was or how to invest in index funds. Why hadn’t I been taught this? Why didn’t more people understand how easy it was to invest?
Because for many in our society, money is off-limits for discussion. A poll from earlier this year found that 56% of adults believe talking about money is taboo. We generally don’t talk about it — not in detail — and the idea of talking about money makes people uncomfortable for various reasons.
Why Money is Taboo
So what’s behind the taboo of money?
1. Shame or Embarrassment
A lot of money taboo is rooted in shame or embarrassment. People may feel guilty for making too much money or embarrassed when they don’t make enough. Avoiding money conversations can be a simple defense mechanism against judgment.
2. Cultural Norms
There are cultural norms that impact how we talk about money. On one end of the scale, Scandinavian countries are extremely private about money. On the other, Chinese society is quite open, with discussions of spending and salary information common. The U.S. probably falls somewhere in the middle. Many of us are taught it is rude to discuss how we spend, how much we make or other details about our finances.
3. Socioeconomic Differences
Whether you talk about money and how and when and where depends on how much of it you have. The wealthy tend to be apprehensive about how and with whom they talk about money. However, they’re more likely to have a financial advisor to answer their questions and help them manage their spending and investments. Those comfortably in the middle class don’t have to talk about money if they don’t want to because they generally have enough of it. For those on the lower end, however, money is a constant concern, and the topic is much harder to ignore in daily life.
4. Generational Divides
There are also generational differences. Baby Boomers are quite reserved about their money. Gen Z, on the other hand, is more willing to discuss finances.
5. Social Pressure
Even among friends, money can be a touchy subject. Earning significantly more than another or entering a new socioeconomic class can create friction in a relationship. If two friends find commonality in their class status and one becomes more affluent, suddenly financial issues diverge, and money discussions take on new weight.
6. Anxiety About Money
Money anxiety also keeps us from discussing the topic. Many people would rather not talk or even think about their money if they can get away with it. Money issues like debt, salary and the prospect of retirement can keep people up at night.
If people don’t have to talk about money, they usually won’t.
What We Lose When We Don’t Talk About Money
But whatever the reasons for money taboos, they can leave us all worse off. If we talked more about money people might have fewer problems managing it.
Couples that don’t talk about money can fail to get on the same page about the topic. This is especially important as many relationships unravel due to money disagreements. And if one partner controls all the money, that opens up the potential for financial abuse, secret accounts and poor financial planning.
Not talking about money can perpetuate financial exploitation. Many companies prefer it if their employees didn’t talk about their salaries, as it allows them to pay employees less. Talking about your salary with coworkers can help reduce pay disparities based on race and gender. Landlords can charge more for rent if tenants don’t know what the others are paying.
Talking about money can demystify retirement investing, debt payoff strategies and other topics that people don’t intuitively understand or learn in school. Talking more openly about money issues can help reduce the stigma behind them.
We lose a lot when we don’t discuss retirement planning, how we handle debt, what we get paid, what we pay for things and what our goals and aspirations are with money.
We avoid difficult conversations about class, income and wealth disparities when we don’t talk about money. By setting aside our cultural taboos, we can open our eyes to new perspectives and better understand our own relationship with money.
How to Talk About Money
We should let go of the stigma behind talking about money. It shouldn’t be a shameful topic, especially among our peers.
So talk about how you’re saving for retirement. Talk about your investment portfolio. Talk about how you asked for a raise at work. These conversations can be empowering and encourage others to do better with their money.
Some money conversations are taboo for good reason. Sometimes talking about money can verge on bragging. But the purpose of money conversations should be to empower ourselves and others around us. We should be sensitive to avoid making people uncomfortable or overstepping legitimate boundaries when people don’t want to discuss finances.
Talking about money is naturally going to feel awkward and uncomfortable. We may even be rebuffed. But having these conversations is worth a try.
For some people, money is too big to talk about. But money is too big not to talk about. We should talk about it more. There are too many benefits to pass it up.